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One of the bright sparks in the development department asked the boss if, when he stops into his local applegreen on the way home, he wanted to be vended or tended. The boss replied that he would have to think about it. He didn't give him an answer. Instead he did what he always does, he shoved it on to me and asked me to find out whether the customer wanted to be tended or vended and then to report back to him (presumably so he could give an informed reply and look like he knew what he was talking about).

I explained that my preference would be to never have to get out of my car. You are familiar with the microphone box thingy at Mc D's drive-in, well I sometimes wish they had one of those at my applegreen. My order would sound like this: lavazza cappucino, grab and go bag of brownies (for the kids of course), a banana, the irish examiner and phoenix magazine (the latest), one ham and pineapple heat and eat pizza and a liter of milk, please.

All of these items in a bag would then be placed on the passenger seat by a smiling person who would also place the coffee in the cup holder with a comment like, "enjoy" or "call again". That would make me drive off home with a smile on my face.

"Haven't you forgotten something" said the boss, with what could have been a look of disdain. "For one thing, you seem to want to be vended, then tended and secondly you haven't paid for anything!"

Trust him to spot that.