Saturday 27 December 2008

God never shuts one door...

I did tell you all about our new motorway service station just off the M1 at Balbriggan, the star of the east. The boss had been ranting on about it being his favorite station and the best looking station in the country etc..,. Well, it seems Mary, the league topping boss of Applegreen Balincollig was very upset. She was quick  to point out that she may very well run the best looking station in the country. When I pointed this out to the boss he simply chuckled his trademark chuckle, muttered something about wanting to provoke some healthy competition and having obviously succeeded, and shuffled off chuckling to himself.


Now nobody could accuse the boss of being an emotional person. Although he has been known to be kind and merciful from time to time, emotional is not a word one would use about him. He does have the capacity however to stir emotional responses from other people. After one of the bosses speeches we all feel a little better, but, rather than relaxing and wallowing in the glory of his praise, most of us go and work twice as hard. Why he even has the same effect on the opposition! No sooner does he open another, better, Applegreen store, than the opposition are upping their game and improving their services. The man's a wonder. As soon as he has a good idea, before you know it, everyone's doing it. 

I asked him once to what he attributed this gift for motivation and inspiration he seems to have. He replied "Son",  (I guess he forgot my name again...) "God never shuts one door, without slamming another"....and off he went smiling to himself. I tore my hair out for a week. I started coming to work early and leaving late. Working twice as hard as before. Surely I thought the wisdom of this profound statement would reveal itself to me, eventually. 

Sometimes I see the boss looking at me sadly and smiling to himself. He's a strange one.

Tuesday 2 December 2008

A new star in the east, lapkins and a feeling of power.


Wow, Christmas really crept up on me this year. Come to think of it, I think it crept up on me last year as well. Not that I feel much festive spirit down here in the complaints department. I did manage to hang some tinsel on the office dog, but after he whined for almost three hours nonstop, I gave in and removed it. The man above, asked me if I knew about the new star on the horizon. I assumed he was talking about the one that appears in the east.. No, he said, it's not that kind of star, that was a figure of speech he said, a metaphor for the wonderful new Applegreen service station, which just opened off Exit 5, 0n the M1 at Balbriggan. It was obvious from the look he shot me that he was none too impressed by my failure to recognize his dazzling literary abilities.

Having cleared up the mix-up between the spiritual and the commercial, he went on to pontificate about this new motorway Applegreen. "State of the art", he said..."best looking station in the country by far". At this stage I was about to drift off as his voice droned on and on, when I was abruptly brought back to reality as his fist hit the desk . "I've got an idea", he exclaimed, "why don't you drive up there and take the new Applegreen/Lavazza lapkins with you, they just arrived". "Napkins?" I replied, "Lapkins" he shot back , "Why do you never listen?." At that stage I figured I better not argue, "Sure" I said, "why not?", delighted with the opportunity to go for a drive. "Great, well that's settled then " said the boss as he bustled out, delighted he had found another simple solution (for himself).

I called ahead just to tell them I was bringing the lapkins. "Lapkins?" came the manager's reply, "Surely you mean napkins?"
"No, lapkins" I sighed impatiently. For a fleeting moment I felt the power surge the boss must feel when he speaks to me.

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